Life is…

I’ve spent many, many years trying to make a living out of my musical aspirations.  I thought things were going great when I moved to South Africa and was able to tour eight months out of the year for four gloriously crazy years.  Then dad went into the hospital with heart problems and I decided it was time to go home to see him before he died.  Sometimes I wonder if I didn’t make a mistake by moving back here ‘cuz I had a pretty good career over there.

Dad lived another 20+ years.

I don’t resent coming back at all.  So much happened in that time to help me grow that I can’t really think of my life as a loss.  Obviously, I never made a career out of music, however, I did make lots of music, work with lots of great musicians and have an adventure that just keeps going.  I’m now 48 (officially June 4) looking back at a lot of choices I made which didn’t equal success by most people’s standards but gave me shots in the arms enough to continue living this way.

As I analyze it, I can’t regret not having the fame or career I wanted.  Why?  Because other things just as valuable and meaningful cropped up and created in me a character that I otherwise might have missed.  Yet, that’s not altogether true either, I could have just as easily visited my folks for a few weeks, then returned to South Africa to work because I had a job offer just before leaving that would have been lucrative at the time.  I guess I’ll never know, speculation doesn’t equal experience.

I made most of my choices in my life based on relationships rather than career.  I believe that my relationships come first before any other consideration because, when we die, our careers won’t stand by our bedside or weep for us once we’re gone.  A career won’t be able to sustain us through our sad times or get us to stand up for ourselves when life tries to push our faces in the mud.

I loved my dad, I loved my music, I love my family and now I love my son with passion I cannot even begin to describe.  Do I regret not having a music career?  Sometimes…but what I have is still just as valuable to me as any tour ever could be, in fact, more, because I remember feeling quite lonely on the road, not able to sustain or make a solid relationship with anyone hardly, being on the move so much.

Did I blow my chances to publish my art?  No!  My life’s not over yet and new opportunities and avenues have opened themselves up and I’m gonna’ go through every door–or at least check them out.  I’ve got a possible 40 years left to do other things, create music and raise my kid.

I am blessed.

Tags: acceptance, adventure, attitude, careers, hope, life, life is, love is, plans