I can’t say I know how to do this any better than anyone else. What I have discovered over the years might help guide someone to what a great life means.
As teens, many of us think that we’re really living when we get to act like adults without the full consequences of our actions or decisions. And, in some ways, we’re right. But that’s just the tip of the iceberg as far as I’m concerned.
I believe in the abundant life variety. Not more stuff, not busyness, but real connection between people. If we look at the way humans are created, our psyche is set up for integration and socialization. In other words we are made to need other people. Those who think this a weakness are usually scared to be dependant on anyone because they fear being let down.
Well, let me let you in on a secret: If we want to have relationships of any sort, we will be let down!
It’s not that hard to fathom for me anymore. I used to walk carefully, worried that I would drive someone away with being myself or that I wouldn’t be acceptable, and while I still do my best to be careful of other people’s feelings, I don’t tiptoe around being who I am. On the other hand, I do modify the more stressful tendancies in my nature–that which stresses out certain people in my sphere of influence–because I believe that a being a human means being considerate. Though modifying my behavior is a given to me now, I don’t let anyone actually change who I am.
Now this entry might sound like it’s all about me but what I’m actually doing here is saying that it’s ok to be ourselves, just don’t be offensive about it. We offend one another enough without being hyperactive about it. Still, what I mean by modifying my behavior is more like not having a beer around a friend who doesn’t drink or has a problem with alcohol. It’s consideration plain and simple.
Now as to seriously living, I believe that we involve ourselves in life with our whole being. I don’t want to be living seriously, taking everything with a grim outlook or defensive posture, rather I would like to have fun at what I do and play as much as I can.
Musicians actually have it pretty good since our primary passion is playing music. We get to play at the very thing that excites us the most (besides good sex, cheese cake, Cold Stone icecream, etc.). What I think is missing in most of our lives is the ability to actually enjoy our work because we lose that childlike quality about how we approach it. Instead of playing with our job and enjoying the creativity it offers, we get too serious about it and make it a real burden.
Relationships are like that sometimes, as are vacations.
Life’s too short to be serious all the time. Yet at the same moment I say that I also know that when we face pain, sorrow, loss or grief, we must, simply must, experience it and drink the cup to its last drop. This stuff is a part of being alive, of living, cuz if we can feel at all, it means we’re alive. Kadee talked about dealing with hard times and not avoiding them. This made me think about what both my pastor and counselor told me during my divorce: Go through the valley, experience the grief, anger, loss, dispair and come out the other side. For if we avoid these things, they will come back in some form and affect our entire lives subconsciously.
In other words deal with what is right in front of us without flinching or turning back. Solomon said something that has always impressed me: When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore a man cannot discover anything about his future. We live in the ever present eternal “now” with the past at our back every moment that passes and the future just around the corner. Being worried about it, anxious or overly concerned will not change what has been nor what will be. In fact those who are overly anxious about stuff usually make worse mistakes than those who follow wisdom as best the can and take life with a grain of salt (humor).
Life is about enjoying the whole of it, experiencing the most it can offer us and being exactly what we choose to be.
Tags: being alive, being happy, being whole, life, living seriously, seriously living, the universe and everything
